Rejection & Neglect

Dear Little Crystal,
I am trying to write to you more often. I want to share the beauty of you with others. I feel like I neglect this part of my life. It's easy for me to reject myself as I have learned to be comfortable with rejection. Or at least that is what I tell myself.
I never realized how much you faced rejection at such an early age. "Rejecting", is something some people have made into an art form. In the dictionary it says that one definition is to refuse as lover or spouse. It doesn't talk about refusing a child. However in this country, it is an epidemic.
But the first time you face rejection isn't the day your mommy leaves. I realized recently that neglect is a form of rejection.
I don't know what time of year it is. I scarcely remember anything about the day. I know you are little, very little. You are under 3 years old. You have 2 dolls that you love so much. You have named them Jack and Jill. It will be many years later before I will learn that those dolls are called Kewpie dolls.
I think you are sitting outside playing with them. This may not seem so bad to others that read this story. However, the truth is, you live on skid row in Detroit Michigan. You live in a dangerous part of town. You live in a black ghetto but you are not black. Your sister Linda will one day write about how she would run home from school but often get caught before she could make it all the way home. Those hunting her were people who hated her because she was white. They would grab her and beat her in the alley. That is where you live.
On this day, as you play, you see 2 of your sisters going for a walk down the street. I can't see who they are. I've talked to my siblings and most agree that it is either Tammy and Linda or Cheryl and Linda. Where are they going? It must be fun! They are so much fun! You want to go to. So, as toddlers do, you toddle off to follow them. Sadly, they don't want you to come and as siblings do, they run away from you. On the streets of Detroit, you have been neglected by your parents and rejected by your siblings. I don't see you crying. I don't see how far you get. I don't see anything else until you are sitting on a counter in the police station. You are having a blast. Policemen are heroes. They are handsome and they give you ice cream. There is another little boy there. He is eating ice cream too.
I don't remember your mom coming to get you but, she does. When you get older you tell your family this memory and they are astounded that you can remember so much. Of course you remember. As you get older YOU ARE ASTOUNDED that anyone would lose a child in Detroit Michigan. Who does that? Worst of all, on that very day, you lost your Kewpie dolls and no one seemed to care. Maybe you dropped them on your walk. Maybe someone took them from your front yard. Perhaps you left them in the police car or station. You never find out, but you always miss them.
As you share this story you find out that the 2 sisters were going to the store and that they intentionally ditch you. They were kids. They thought you would go back home.
Rejection never gets easier. You lie to yourself and say that it is easier but the truth of the matter is that it is only easier to hide the pain, to build the walls, to wear the mask. You face rejection in love, friendship, in approval and in your career.
Tomorrow I have an interview. Times are tough right now and I have been looking for a job for 4 months. When you get your 1st job at 13 cleaning a beauty salon, you feel great. You feel accepted. From that point on there is never a job you apply to that you are not given. That is until now.
I have filled out hundreds of applications. I have been to dozens of interviews. I have had many companies tell me to keep applying because they think I am great. Yet, I can't see to close the deal. I want to walk in there and tell the hiring manager to not waste my time and I won't waste their time. I am the best candidate if they want to improve sales. If they don't hire me, the will regret it but they won't know they regret it because they will have no comparison. But whoever does hire me will be their competitor and I can assure them that the competitor will be taking business away from them. When they ask "why do you want to work for our company?" I want to look them straight in the eye and say "because I need a job and you're hiring!"
I won't do any of those things. However, I will bring you with me. When I get done, you and I can look for a policeman, tell him we are lost and then go get an ice cream. We will come home and then I will help you find your Kewpie dolls. I am sure I can find them on Ebay.
I am sorry you were neglected and rejected, but I want you to know that God not only accepts you the way you are, he designed you the way you are.
When others have allowed you to roam the streets of Detroit while still in diapers, God has you in his hands. He doesn't just hold you in his hands. He says he has engraved you in his hands. That's pretty amazing really. Nowadays, a tattoo can be removed for the most part with laser treatment. But, scars are nearly impossible to remove. If God carved us into His skin, we would be a permanent part of Him. He couldn't neglect or reject us if He tried.
I love you and I am working hard on not neglecting or rejecting you either.
Wish me luck on my interview!
Love, Crystal